An Oasis of Vitality Ju Ye-lam
Lots of people nowadays are pressed for time to accomplish something visible and wonderful. They just go on to the goal they set and have no time to take a breather. Among those busy people, high school students in Korea live a really tough life. They cannot get out of the school from the early morning when even the sun does not appear to dark night when everything is silent. I also lived that kind of hard life during my high school days. Actually it was fun and pleased time with my beloved friends and teachers. Nevertheless I felt tired of staying in the same place and studying all day and night. But one place I went almost every day at that time was like a ventilator that blew fresh air to my stuffy life.
I was walking around the place with my friends after eating lunch at school. It was a playground surrounded by my four-story, white high school, a similar form of middle school, a cafeteria crowded with people and a small mountain. The sweet perfume of red royal azalea blossomed along the playground and pleased my nose. Because the school was high on the hill, it seemed that I could touch the deep blue sky whenever I stretched my hand. A cool, soft breeze brushed my hair and the warm sunshine made everything in that place twinkling. All I got from outside was alive and breathing. As I was strolling as feeling that vitality, I thought the reason I am studying. Because I was so concentrated on my studying that I could easily lose the direction of my life. In that place, I and my friends took a rest, shared our sad or happy feelings and talked about our future together. It was there that gave us the time of relief and rest like home during my high school life.
When I went there after graduation, it still was giving me animated energy and time to rest. Some girls were chattering away like twittering birds and laughing loudly as they walk. Several boys from the middle school were gasping as playing the soccer ball. Same flowery smell stimulated my brain to recall my friends, hard and happy times of my school days. As I sited on the bench in that playground, I thought again about my vision, what I was doing and where I was going. Until now, It still remains as a shelter where I can refresh myself.
To: Ju Ye-lamReplyDelete
From: Lee Won-pil
Commented in accordance with Peer Response Form at p. 120, 121
1. What did you like best about this essay?
- In the piece of writing sensory words are effectively used. I like it.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
- Yes. It feels as if I were in the place by now. I can see, smell, and hear what you describe.
3. Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
- The sweet perfume of red royal azalea blossomed along the playground and pleased my nose.
It seemed that I could touch the deep blue sky whenever I stretched my hand.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
Warmhearted and peaceful.
5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
That’s because this place is your own shelter in which you feel comfortable.
6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she revises? Make only one suggestion.
If you say some kind of episode or anecdote, then this description will be much vivider because a good story helps readers remember the entire image.
1. I like the expression ' pleased my nose' , 'I could touch the deep blue sky whenever I stretched my hand' and '' chattering like twittering birds'ReplyDelete
I think the essay is very well written, in fact.
3.Yes, using sight and smell.
4. beautiful, refreshing
5. Because the place was ' a ventilator that blew fresh air to my stuffy life'
6. Were there any particular event happened in that place?