Monday, November 25, 2013

Young-Lee Seo/Improvement samples/Tue 1pm

1.     Grinning slightly, he said…

è  Grinning as he propped up his chin with one hand, he said…

2.      DaeSung kept narrating his memories.

è  DaeSung spoke of his memories in a low, and slightly nostalgic voice.

3.     I took an entrance test, and barely passed.

è  I took an exhausting 2 hour entrance test, and was barely able to make the cut.

4.     He never really cared for the test too much.

è  He never gave much thought or gave the test any meaning to it. (Same?)

è  It would have been hard for my friend to be less interested in the test, as he had never really given it much thought in the first place. (Same?)

è  HELP (Maybe just keep it the way it was?)

5.     ….he started to become afraid.

è  He developed chronic paranoia. (ok lol, no.)

è  He became scared that one day, he would fall from his shaky perch in the ladder of grades. (hm) 

1 comment:

  1. Sorry for posting this so late!