Saturday, September 21, 2013

Park So Young /Writing Class 56

         "You need to stay here for about 8 hours or so.." was what the nurse told me when I got there. I     did not know what was wrong with me but i knew that  this was not something good. It all began when I  was at a fruit break  in school. I was in the fourth grade and we were having our break between lunch    time and the morning. Our teacher, Miss Logde was taking us to the park today. I was very excited about going to the park today because we had just finished a hard lesson in Math so I wasso ready for a       break. We had eaten our snacks so Miss Lodge had given us free time just to play around. My friends   and I wanted to do something fun; therefore we had decided to go play hide and go seek. As most of     you might already know but hide and go seek is a game where there is one person who closes their    eyes and counts to 50 while the rest go hide.The person who is counting then goes and looks for the   others who are hiding after the counting is done. So, we decided to play this game and one of my          friends started counting. We were all running around trying to find a place to hide. Suddenly, one of     my friends  told me that we should hide on the tree. First of all, I am scared of heights so I thought this   was not  such a good idea but since my friend  wanted to do it, I decided to follow along.The                 game continued until everyone else but four people were found. This included me and my friend.

     

       Finally, everyone else was found so since they could not find us, we decided we should go down. For my friend, it was nice   and  easy, but then came my turn. I had absolutely no idea on how i was      going to get down. My head   started having all of these thoughts of whether I should jump or not.          Then, after 5 minutes or so of not being able to come down, Miss Lodge came to help. She was             trying to encourage me to not  be scared to come down. Then, in the split second that she turned         around, I decided to come down and then it happened. I had fallen face down straight on the cement      floor. Bam! I was unconscious. Miss Lodge and some of the kids try to help me get up but  once I was  up, I   started vomiting blood. This was not good. They instantly took me to the hospital and I was gone. Now, I was not sure of what really happened to me afterward but from what my mom told me was that      they took me in they started to chek up on me. They had said that it was amazing that i had not broken  my nose,   and  that i would have to be there for about 8 hours just to make sure everything was ok. I   woke up but I my head was not functioning clearly. The doctor had given me permission to leave so my mom and I  had gone home.

 

        As soon as I had gotten home, I crashed and had fallen asleep. I woke up a few hours later and     looked at my face. Half of  my face was purple. i had learned from this to never climb trees and to           always watch out for what I do. The only thing worse than this was that I had a play performance at       school and i had to be in it with a purple bruised face.

4 comments:

  1. To Park Soyoung from Park Jina
    What I like about this piece of writing is I can imagine your happy when you went to the park and I feel interesting, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What I like about this piece of writing is how you started a stor because sometimes saying the result ahead, and explaning what happened attracts readers' mind. Your main point seems to be you and your friends did hide and seek and you hid on the tree and fell, which made you decide to be careful for what you do. I like a line "Bam! I was unconscious". This may be a simple sentence, but i personally like sentences with exclamation. And, every lines or words made clear to me. You were so brave to climb the tree haha even though it must have been hurt, you got an important lesson!

    - yeonsoo seo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi, So Young... I know well you're not athletic..^^^^^
    This was really fun and great writing:)
    a. Your teacher's name 'Miss.Logde' made your writing more realistic.
    b. There was nothing that I got confused, everything was clear to me.
    c. I like your introduction with quotation. I was curious and wanted to read more because I could not get enough information at the first sentence.
    d. Your basic verb tense is past but you also used past perfect. Because you used it when the moment was before the past, I think it is proper changing.
    e. I want to know more about your feeling in detail when you had no idea on the tree.
    By Ju Yelam

    ReplyDelete
  4. Taking a risk
    "You need to stay here for about 8 hours or so.." was what the nurse said when I got there. I did not know what was wrong, but I knew that it was not something good. It all began when I was in the fourth grade during a fruit break in school. We were having our break between lunch time and the morning. Our teacher, Miss Logde, was taking us to the park today. I was very excited about going to the park because we had just finished a hard lesson in Math so I was so ready for a break. We had eaten our snacks so Miss Lodge had given us free time. My friends and I wanted to do something fun; therefore, we had decided to go play hide and seek. As most of you might already know, hide and go seek is a game where there is one person who closes their eyes and counts to 50 while the rest go hide. The person who is counting then goes and looks for the others who are hiding after the counting is done. So, we decided to play this game and one of my friends started was it. We were all running around trying to find a place to hide. Suddenly, one of my friends told me that we should hide on a tree. First of all, I am scared of heights so I thought this was not such a good idea, but since my friend wanted to do it, I decided to follow along. The game continued until everyone else but four people were found including me and my friend.
    Finally, everyone else was found. Since they could not find us, we decided we should go down. For my friend, it was nice and easy, but then came my turn. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to get down. My head started having all of these thoughts of whether I should jump or not. Such thoughts like “Will I die?” or “What if something terrible happens?” Then, Miss Lodge came to help after 5 minutes or so of not being able to come down. She was trying to encourage me to not be scared to come down. Then, in the split second that she turned around, I decided to come down and then it happened. I had fallen face down straight on the cement floor. Bam! I was unconscious. Miss Lodge and some of the kids try to help me get up. Once I was up, I started vomiting blood. This was not good so they instantly took me to the hospital. Now, I was not sure of what really happened to me afterward but from what my mom told me was that they took me in they started to check up on me. They had said that it was amazing that I had not broken my nose, and that I would have to be there for about 8 hours just to make sure everything was ok. I woke up but I my head was not functioning clearly. The doctor had given me permission to leave so my mom and I had gone home.
    As soon as I had gotten home, I crashed and had fallen asleep. I woke up a few hours later and looked at my face. Half of my face was purple. I had learned from this to never climb trees and to always watch out for what I do. The only thing worse than this was that I had a play performance at school and I had to be in it with a purple bruised face.

    by: soyoung park

    ReplyDelete