Sunday, September 22, 2013

Joonseong Je / week 3 assignment / Tue 56

Where did you get the money?
 
In 1994, I was eight years old. I lived in Iksan and I just entered elementary school. After school ball rang, I always ran to a piano academy with my friends. I liked going there, even though I was not good at the piano. I liked hearing my friends playing the pianos. The academy was very small. It had just three rooms and they were always full of noises, but I enjoyed it. Whenever we had a break, my friends and I sat around the heater in the middle of the room and ate dried and grilled filefish fillets called Jwipo in Korean. I felt happy, but it was not to last.     
My family decided to move away from Iksan because my farther was a career soldier and he needed to go along with his unit. We moved to Seoul. My mother wanted me to play the piano well, so I signed up for another piano academy there. The new piano academy was bigger than the earlier one and It had many rooms, but I felt like being put into a chicken cage, which was totally white-colored. Every fifteen minutes, a piano teacher who was very tough went into my practice room, and checked how much and how well I practiced. Whenever I touched a wrong note or missed a note, she always hit the back of my hand hard with a chopstick. Every time she hit me, I felt hurt. I hated her. I got better soon with the tough teacher, but I hated to go to the piano academy. However, my mother didn't allow me to quit it because she hoped I would get better at the piano. One day, my mother gave me money for the lesson fee and she said, "Don't lose it and surely give it to your teacher." I replied, "Yes, Mom." But I decided to run away with the money. It was the first time for me to defy my mother. Firstly, I went to the video arcade to hang out there all day. I also brought all my friends with me and I said, "Every game is on me." I threw a big game party. 
"Where did you get the money?"
I met my brother in the face at the video arcade. He didn't hear my answer and dragged me to the police station. I had never been to a police station, so I felt scary. There were some uniformed police men. Looking at them, I was just about to cry. They were not to arrest me because it was a family issue, but I couldn't know it. When my mother came in, I cried my eyes out. We came back home. She didn't give me a scolding and she allowed me to quit the academy. I cried again, but now it was out of guilt and appreciation. I made a promise to myself that I would never lie to my mother. 

6 comments:

  1. Hello, I enjoyed your writing very much. Your main point seems to be that you decided not to lie to your mother again, after all the experience of getting dragged to the police station by your brother. I could sympathize with your writing because I also lied several times to my mother and regretted each time. What I like about this writing the most is that you described the situation simply but realistically. You didn't use any exaggerated or fancy phrases, but I could easily get the atmosphere and the order of what happened at that time clearly - except some parts that made me confused. 'I got better soon with the tough teacher, but I hated to go to the piano academy.'-in this sentence, you said you got better soon with the teacher, but you also said that you hated that academy. However, I could not find any other reasons why you still hated the piano academy. I didn't get the specific reason throughout the whole writing. May be making that part more clear will improve this writing a lot. Anyway, great job!


    Lee Seung-Hwan

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  2. Your writing was interesting because alomost everyone has that kind of story. I feel emphathy your feeling in the police station. Reading your writing, I also come up with my memory that I lied to my mother. Especailly "where did you get your money?" was impressive becasue I could imagine the situation, your brother's and your feeling, face expressions at that time. Your main point seems you have learned that you should not lie anymore from your experience. It was really good but if you describe and explain in detail what you felt like in every situation, it will be much more attractive. I also want to know the reason you felt like being in a chicken cage~~^.^ By Ju Yelam

    ReplyDelete
  3. A. This piece of writing seemed to really come.out to life when the writer explains of how he enjoyed listening to the sound of the piano. Also, when he mentioneds that even though it was very small, he liked it section you can really imagine yourself in that place and see what was occurring.

    B. There were not many things where I got confused. It was a pleasant story to read. But ifI had to pinpoint something I would say would be the section about the atmosphere. It was a bit harder.to grasp the situation there. Maybe a different type of word expression couldimprove the piece of writing.

    C. I really did enjoy this piece of writing. I think that the beginning was good. It gives you the information you need to know before you continue to read. Something that really attracted me to want to read more was the last words of the first paragraph where it said"but it was not to last." These words really makr you curious about what will.ocxur next so I thought it was.very interesting.

    D. The tense of the verb seems to switch from past to present. It tells you how it began and then how it happened. It was good to be able to read it through and understand the story with the help.of the tenses.

    E. I think i would be interested in hearing about why his mother didn't say anything. I think it would be very interesting if he shared why.


    Overall!very good!!

    By: Park Soyoung

    ReplyDelete
  4. a.I think it is good that you wrote details about how piano academy in Seoul was becuase these details also made me think like'if I were in your shoes,
    i would have done that too'.
    b.I didn't find any place where i got confused.
    c.your title looked interesting, so i started to curious
    about where really you got the money. I also went to a piano academy after classes when I was elementary school, so I was wondered what you experienced at a piano academy.
    d. i think it is good that you used past tense from the beginning to the end, without changing tense.
    e. I want to know more about how friends in new piano academy were like.

    - yeonsoo seo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Second draft, Joonseong Je



    Where did you get the money?

    Everyone has their own childhood memory about something. I have it, too. Whenever I walk by a police station, it triggers a vivid childhood memory to come bubbling up to the surface. This is the whole story about it.

    In 1994, I was eight years old. I lived in Iksan, a small, but peaceful town and I just entered an elementary school. At the same time, my mother signed me up for a small piano academy near my school, thinking that children should learn how to play at least one instrument in their life. When I went to the piano academy for the first time, I was a little bit disappointed, noticing that it had only three cramped little rooms. The rooms were always full of noises from children and pianos, but soon I began to get used to them and gradually enjoyed them. I made a lot of cheerful friends there. My friends and I used to sit around the heater in the middle of the main room and ate grilled Jwipo, a Korean filefish fillet. I got to love the warm and family-like atmosphere there. Just being there made me feel so happy inside, but unfortunately it was not to last.
    My family decided to move away from Iksan because my father was a career soldier and he had to go along with his unit. It was a little tough for a little child to leave close friends behind, but sadly I was already used to it. We moved to Seoul and my mother signed me up for another piano academy there. The new piano academy was bigger than the earlier one and had more rooms, but I felt uncomfortable there. Whenever I went to the academy, I was locked alone in a small room, which was totally white-colored, and I could never go out of the room without completing the amount of practice given to me. I felt like being put into a chicken cage. I had never seen any other children’s faces because they were also locked in their practice rooms. Every fifteen minutes, a teacher who was very tough went into my practice room, and checked how much and how well I practiced. Whenever I hit wrong notes on the piano or missed a note, she always slapped the back of my hand hard with a chopstick. I felt hurt every time she slapped me. In the new piano academy, I soon became good at the piano, but I hated to go there more and more. However, my mother never allowed me to quit it because she heard that the piano academy was well known for teaching students well and hoped I would get better at the piano.

    One day, my mother gave me money for the lesson fee and she said, “Don't lose it and make sure to give it to your teacher.” I replied, “Yes, Mom,” but I decided to run away with the money. Although I felt guilty, I did not want to go to the piano academy anymore and it was the first time to lie to my mother. Suddenly getting a lot of money, I brought all my friends with me, went to the video arcade, and said, "Every game is on me." I threw a big game party. It seemed to be a perfect crime only before I met him.

    “Where did you get the money?”

    I bumped into my brother at the video arcade. Being panicked, I tried to persuade him to play with us, but he did not hear anything and just dragged me to the police station. I felt scary because I had never been to a police station before. There were some uniformed police officers. I was about to cry just at the sight of them. They were not to arrest me because it was a family issue, but I did not know it. When my mother came in, I cried my eyes out. We came back home. She did not give me any scolding as if nothing ever happened and she allowed me to quit the academy. I cried again, which was out of guilt and appreciation for my mother. I made a promise to myself that I would never lie to my mother.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Second draft, Joonseong Je



    Where did you get the money?

    Everyone has their own childhood memory about something. I have it, too. Whenever I walk by a police station, it triggers a vivid childhood memory to come bubbling up to the surface. This is the whole story about it.

    In 1994, I was eight years old. I lived in Iksan, a small, but peaceful town and I just entered an elementary school. At the same time, my mother signed me up for a small piano academy near my school, thinking that children should learn how to play at least one instrument in their life. When I went to the piano academy for the first time, I was a little bit disappointed, noticing that it had only three cramped little rooms. The rooms were always full of noises from children and pianos, but soon I began to get used to them and gradually enjoyed them. I made a lot of cheerful friends there. My friends and I used to sit around the heater in the middle of the main room and ate grilled Jwipo, a Korean filefish fillet. I got to love the warm and family-like atmosphere there. Just being there made me feel so happy inside, but unfortunately it was not to last.

    My family decided to move away from Iksan because my father was a career soldier and he had to go along with his unit. It was a little tough for a little child to leave close friends behind, but sadly I was already used to it. We moved to Seoul and my mother signed me up for another piano academy there. The new piano academy was bigger than the earlier one and had more rooms, but I felt uncomfortable there. Whenever I went to the academy, I was locked alone in a small room, which was totally white-colored, and I could never go out of the room without completing the amount of practice given to me. I felt like being put into a chicken cage. I had never seen any other children’s faces because they were also locked in their practice rooms. Every fifteen minutes, a teacher who was very tough went into my practice room, and checked how much and how well I practiced. Whenever I hit wrong notes on the piano or missed a note, she always slapped the back of my hand hard with a chopstick. I felt hurt every time she slapped me. In the new piano academy, I soon became good at the piano, but I hated to go there more and more. However, my mother never allowed me to quit it because she heard that the piano academy was well known for teaching students well and hoped I would get better at the piano.

    One day, my mother gave me money for the lesson fee and she said, “Don't lose it and make sure to give it to your teacher.” I replied, “Yes, Mom,” but I decided to run away with the money. Although I felt guilty, I did not want to go to the piano academy anymore and it was the first time to lie to my mother. Suddenly getting a lot of money, I brought all my friends with me, went to the video arcade, and said, "Every game is on me." I threw a big game party. It seemed to be a perfect crime only before I met him.

    “Where did you get the money?”

    I bumped into my brother at the video arcade. Being panicked, I tried to persuade him to play with us, but he did not hear anything and just dragged me to the police station. I felt scary because I had never been to a police station before. There were some uniformed police officers. I was about to cry just at the sight of them. They were not to arrest me because it was a family issue, but I did not know it. When my mother came in, I cried my eyes out. We came back home. She did not give me any scolding as if nothing ever happened and she allowed me to quit the academy. I cried again, which was out of guilt and appreciation for my mother. I made a promise to myself that I would never lie to my mother.

    ReplyDelete