Taste of Memory
"This food reminds me of my grandmother." Sometimes I say so, when having a meal. When I was a child, my grandmother took care of me. That's because my mother was busy with her work as a salesperson. Whenever I eat foods which taste like my grandmother's, her appearance and voice pop up in my mind. Then I feel sad and sorry because I can no longer meet her.
When she died, I was 15. At her last moment, all her children and grandchildren went to meet her except me. I felt scary by the time. I was not ready to say goodbye. I do not want to lose her. Hiding my emotions, I said to my mother, "I don't want to meet her. I'm busy." My mother said, "Your grandmother is waiting for you. She loves you the most. She raised you. You are cold. I am really disappointed in you." However, finally I did not look her last. I did not attend even her funeral.
Instead, in my room I thought of her. I thought of her hard life. She got married young, and her husband died young. She raised four children by herself. Among three daughters and one son, my mother was the eldest daughter. As well as my grandmother took care of her eldest daughter's housework, she had to take care of her grown-up son, my uncle, who had a brain concussion because of an accident. Although my grandmother took care of him for nine years after that accident, he died finally. As soon as he died, my grandmother had a stroke. One year later she passed away.
I felt sad. I felt sorry. That's not only because of her hard life, but also because of her love for me. I was her eldest grandson. In other words I was the first grandchild she got. She always praised me and always gave me good things. I realized she gave me great affection, and I became ashamed. I did not say thank you to her, and I did not say I love you. I only received her love, and I did not express my love to her. I did not attend even her funeral, and I did not say goodbye to her.
Then I broke into tears. I was crying with thinking of her hard life and her great love. I was crying with saying goodbye and sorry. From the moment on, whenever I eat foods which taste like my grandmother's, I think of my grandmother and say in my heart, "Thank you. I'm sorry. I love you," which are simple but the hardest words in the world.